Letting Go

A woman’s son had taken her to the point of bankruptcy with his constant drug use, legal troubles from arrests, and not working. When he was jailed she made sure he had money on his book for food and necessities. She ignored what she was told about enabling her son’s bad behavior. “I love my son, I just can’t let him go hungry, be homeless, what kind of a parent would I be?”

She finally had to surrender and told her son he was not welcome back home until he had a job and was clean and sober. She made this hard decision knowing she may never see her son again, he may die alone, freeze to death, or even starve! But she would lose her home if he stayed and continued doing nothing other than sponging off of her. She feared finding him dead in their home.

For five years she never heard from Him. She was heart-broken, fearing the worst but continued to pray to God in hope for his safety and recovery.

Then one day her son walked in the door, clean and sober, had his own place to live and a job! He had also found Christ and was in the ministry!

She had finally let go and let God. There is hope when we make the decision to trust Him. Luther said, “I’ve held many things in my hands and lost them all. But those things I placed in God’s hands I still have.”

I hope this little true story helps parents who don’t know how to let go. I certainly know it is hard. Pray, give the care of your child into His hands, or as one man said, “Pray and let God worry.”

Recovering Self (boundaries for families)

Still in a fog from years of self-abuse and addictions to alcohol and drugs, a newcomer cannot see hours ahead, let alone planning all of the daily activities they must eventually return to. They include: finding a job, looking for a place to live, recovery meetings that are a must, and perhaps doing for others…this is the hardest to see for them. So many of their friends and family feel that now, the wayward family member is in recovery, they are in a program so everything is normal again. Not so. This early part of staying clean and sober is where they need the most help…even more so than when they were actively using.

Here’s where so many quit and get right back in the dung heap they just escaped from. Someone very close to me has been dealing with this issue for quite some time. They were the go-to family member, no matter what the problem in the family was, until an injury, then prescribed medicine, and suddenly the prescribing MD yanked the medication away, and the result: pain meds were bought off of the street until they were no longer affordable. Heroin was cheaper, that’s where my friend found the pain relief and the feeding of the addiction.

Fix you for me please!

Of course, the family wanted them clean again to help them with their problems. Within a few weeks of recovery meetings they asked, “do you have to go to a meeting again tonight?” That makes me want to cry and laugh hysterically at the same time. The truth is that the family needs rehab for their self-centeredness. They don’t do this out of not caring for the one that I speak of, they want their “fix” administrated by the only family member who can fix them, they think. Ego-centric.

The addict and the alcoholic have this one thing in common, finding themselves and their purpose renewed. They both feel meaningless and do for some time after sobering up. Though some snap out of it fairly quick, some take years.

The Big New Fix

The fix isn’t made by a week of recovery, or 28 days in rehab. Time, listening, and prayer, lots of prayer, that is the direction of finding yourself. It is better, no matter the situation, that you stay away from family if necessary to discover yourself again. They will not like this at all. They will act like little babies, and say they wash their hands of you again. You may be tempted to cave, and take care of their problem, but it is better if you allow yourself to heal and bring real help to them in time…boundaries. You can very easily become the go to person for them again, in a very different way. You can set boundaries that you will take them so far, they must complete actions to solve their own problems.

The flip side of that is that if you do not set those boundaries, they will never get better. You will be helping them lifelong, like my friend. You see, to find yourself and your purpose, may only happen as you allow them to do the same without your help. It is a tough decision. You can rediscover yourself and purpose once clean and sober, but you must realize that recovery has to come first, and sometimes those that you love can be the biggest hang-up to your recovery.

Yeah, this is true, but the kids have practice, I have to help my spouse out with this and I really want to see them practice, you say. I admire people that want involvement in their children’s activities. But if you do not get the help you need, you may end up where you were before, addicted and hopeless…again.

Thanks for reading, God bless and keep you all.